Over it!

I think I've decided that I'm totally over facebook and social media in general. In the beginning I thought maybe I could get to know people better and get more involved. I also had the desire to get to know my father's side of the family. I spoke to a few, but made no real connection. In fact I've learned nothing new nor do I feel closer to anyone. If anything, I feel a gap widening. I've learned a few things about myself. I've learned some things about social media. I think what has hit me the hardest is that I don't seem to have as much in common with people as I thought. And old close acquaintances do not seem interested in rekindling relationships. I think with the FB culture and the our culture now, people are reluctant to actually get to know anyone or start new friendships in general. I don't blame them. Overall, I feel better talking to myself anyways.


As to FB, I've noticed that people like to friend you, but don't actually ever talk to you, ever. I find it to be terribly sad that the only way others communicate is through FB. Its like email is dead. The ads are really obnoxious. Do people understand that when they like a product or place that it places ads on their wall? Overall FB feels very shallow and cheap....


I'm not any closer to any of my family members. Its wounding to know that they're aware of my existence, but show little to no interest. I learned first hand that my father was right about the family. They're flaky and self absorbed. I see why he didn't have anything to do with them the last twenty years before his death. Hell, I'm probably that way. Maybe its better that we don't speak to each other. 


I contacted a few people on my mother's side, to find out that they also have less interest than my father's family. Confirms that I'm a pariah due to my intense dislike of Christianity. Thats ok, they never did anything to help me anyways. I'd rather not hear their narrow minded views and prejudice. What bothered me the most is that a family(whom I won't mention) that I was incredibly close to had no interest to communicate with me in the least. Its not like I wanted them to be all about me or my business, but maybe a hello and a little acknowledgement would have been nice. Some how that bridge was burned....


I learned a lot about myself. I am and my family are unique. My view on life and the world are controversial. I won't apologize for anything. FB has made me feel nothing, but isolation. Looking for commonality and comradeship was fruitless. I feel much more on guard with myself on and offline. I feel more guarded about my family as well. Every man is an island. We're better off holed up away from the world.


If anything I have come to appreciate my relationship with my husband much more. No one will ever know, understand and tolerate me the way he does. I don't think anyone will ever live life like I want except him. I know he'll always see me more objectively than morally based. He's an asshole and I'm an asshole. We're perfect for each other. 


We're a small kingdom with allegiances only to ourselves. And I'm fine with that!